Raising Wishy Washy Adults
From time to time in the parenting journey, it is certain we (the parents) will be forced to either stand our ground, or allow our children to build life-destroying habits. It might sound a bit too harsh to create such a dichotomy of extreme outcomes, but nonetheless true.
Let’s consider a common point:
Raising Wishy Washy Adults
***This is the part of the show where we add qualifications:
We are specifically addressing resistance that comes with tears, yelling, or grumpy attitudes, and a tagline like “it’s just not my thing,” “it’s too hard,” “I just don’t want to,” and all of the similar isms.***
Back to previously scheduled programming:
It’s important to take a step back from gazing at the peanut butter smudged tornados that we call children and imagine the adults that are just moments away from this moment now. Who will they be? Will they be steadfast during trials? Or perhaps like tumbleweed getting thrown to and fro as the wind changes?
It’s ideally the first, but most commonly the latter of the two.
Character building begins now. It began as soon as that angry chubby faced toddler chucked a handful of broccoli at your head from their highchair. How did you respond to them then? How do you respond to their resistance NOW?
Comparing broccoli wars to extracurriculars seems frivolous and reaching, but where do the two differ?
Here’s the formula: I am the parent. I am requiring something of you. You are resisting with uncontrolled emotion. I give in.
Now with the cruciferous veg: I am the parent. I served you broccoli (that you have had every day before this one and liked) for lunch. You refuse to eat the broccoli. I encourage you to eat it and remind you of how much you enjoy it. You throw it in anger. I bribe you with chocolate chips.
And now onto ballet class: I sign you up for ballet (after discussing the commitment with you at home and coming to an agreement that this will be a long term activity). You love ballet class for 3 months. One day you decided to whine about ballet class. Before long, you won’t gather your equipment and a full on might-as-well-just-stab-an-icepick-into-an-aeresol-can-and-let-it-rip meltdown ensues. I let you quit ballet.
In both examples, I (parent) allow them (child) to use an emotional response to control the outcome. Does this mean you can never, under any circumstances, allow your child to quit an activity? Of course not. But it DOES mean that stopping an activity can NEVER come along the heels of resistance and emotional outbursts from our kids. Require them to work through the slumps. Talk with an instructor and find ways to create small goals for your child to attain. Whatever you do: Do. Not. Lose.