Raising the Bar
Just a few weeks ago…
I was walking through the lobby at our headquarter location when a sweet mom came up to me and politely asked, “HI! Can you tell me what the guest Wi-Fi password is?” Coincidentally, that week we actually had some maintenance going on with our internet and the Wi-Fi was down. I told her the guest Wi-Fi was not up and operational, to which she remarked, “Oh! Well... My youngest son brought his iPad to play games on during big brother's class... I guess he won't be able to use it. What do I do to keep him entertained?” To which I responded, “We actually have a no device policy, anyway! He definitely won’t be missing out at all! We have plenty of games available for siblings to play offline while they wait for their siblings class. I'm sure there will be someone up here for him to play with.” Sure enough, a few minutes later he was huddled up with about five other young kids playing quietly with some building blocks. Success!
But this brought up something important.
A few weeks ago I was reading a book by one of my favorite authors, Dr. Voddie Baucham. In one of the early chapters, he tells a story about his 11 month old son sitting through an hour-long sermon at one of his most recent teaching events. Dr. Baucham tells about a well-intentioned woman approaching him after his sermon in complete shock to notice his 11 month old son sitting stoically on the front row. She was so impressed that she didn't notice he was there until minutes before the conclusion of the message. “He was so well-behaved! How?!” she inquired. Dr. Baucham responded to her with a question along these lines:
“Isn’t that what he is supposed to do?”
Honestly, I don't blame her for asking.
Nowadays, it's shocking to see such a young child so mature as to sit quietly during an hour long sermon, or even entertain themselves at the side of their sibling’s class... Does that mean that all kids have to sit quietly and do nothing? Not at all. But it does mean that sometimes we set the bar too low. But, I get it. I understand why someone would ask “What do I do to keep them entertained?”
Let's take a second and flip the script. Do you even think twice about your child’s ability to sit through The Avengers? How about playing Minecraft for an hour straight? Or even sitting quietly at Chili’s as they peruse the multitude of attention-keeping games while they wait for their food?
What's different about sitting quietly through church or coloring a picture on the sidelines of an older siblings activity?
Expectations.
That's the difference. Think about it. How do we talk about going to the movies or getting a new game on the iPad? Is it with joy and anticipation? We set the expectations that this is going to be fun, exciting, and something that our children will absolutely love! And you know what? Out of their intense desire to be like the grown-ups around them, they respond to those things with joy and anticipation. Exactly like you told them they’d feel.
On the flip side, what are the expectations that we set for the things that aren't so fun? “I know the grocery store is boring, but you need to stay quiet and behave” or “Please don't act silly today. You're going to have to entertain yourself. I know it's not a lot of fun, but we can do something better later.”
What are you setting up? They are walking into this scenario expecting it to be boring, not fun, overall drudge. So guess what? They do exactly what you told him not to. They act out.
Consider the expectations that you're putting in your child's head. Instead of telling them what you DON’T want them to do, tell them what you do want. AND MAKE IT SOUND FUN! Instead of saying “I know this is boring, but you have to sit still during big sister’s class. Don’t be loud or silly.” Try something more like, “Guess what we get to do today?! I'm so excited that we get to go watch big sister do her class today! I'll even pack a coloring book for you! I love getting to see the art you make and I bet we can even put it on the fridge when we get home!”